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my friend pandura---I'm very grief striken by churches & even some dear friends on fb who persistently enforce their convictions
STOP Already abt how WRONG I am & how God's spirit isn't with me & how i need to come to JESUS 
I AM SICK OF PPL demanding I DON'T KNOW JESUS - as if I'm retarded - All bcause i DON'T WORSHIP HIM AS GOD
I'm VERY DEPRESSED to the point of NO RETURN- constant bashing & All bcause YUR viewpoint HAS TO BE RIGHTEOUSLY PROVEN
i have to deal w great lonliness, my child is a survivor of horrific crimes from HIS OWN FATHER-
which the JW'S LOVED & felt sorry for HIM b cause I wouldnt stop partakin of emblems & bein such an embarrassment to everyone -
I'm out here risking my life haulin freight making WAY TOO LITTLE MONEY - But there's NOTHING at home but emptiness & a Dangerous pedophile who stalks & breaks into our home whenever he chooses & protection orders Are worthless.
The ENTIRE JUDICIAL SYSTEM
In Lauderdale Co. Ala. & Clay Co. Ark- pretend he Never existed
Wat has ANY religion ever done except lollygag & pretend the world is perfect if yu go to THEIR CHURCH & JUST BELIEVE
Dont cut yur hair, don't wear pants, u HAVE TO believe in HELLFIRE & TRINITY
while bashing & pushing others to the very end of their spiritual endeavors
I'm a CULT survivor- but not doing well anymore all i have is my son keeping me inspired to provide for & protect - w the lack of justice & his devilish threats to assisinate - i can barely do thatGOD I'M IN TEARS CRYING FOR SOME FRIENDS OUT THERE I'M WAY TOO SAD ME>>>[Dearest SISTER, I TOO WAS PUT OUT FOR PARTAKING. WE KNOW, THAT THIS VAGABOND LIFE IS BECAUSE SATAN HATES US SO MUCH, HE WANTS TO TURN US AWAY-but we know he cannot. You and i have everything in common. everything. I lost all 5 of my children due to the fact that satan was attacking me. I understand how you feel, and it is because we are the chosen ones that we suffer this way. Chapter 34 of ezekiel should help you 100 percent and there is a scripture that we live and this turmoil is caused by satan himself. Jehovah is not far from us ever. The christ is doing everything for us, Lean on the shoulder of the almighty mighty Son of God, be courageous .Psalms 42: 3 "To me my tears have become food day and night, While [they]* say to me all day long:{ “Where is your God?” }since we live in a world controlled by satan, this is what he does, strips you of all money, that is his money, if God did not help us we would have no money, , no friends ,no children, no clothes no food no shelter. This is certainly not the real life The cops beat me, my husband beat me, my own mother, beat me, they stole all my money and i sit here having suicidal thoughts all the day lone. But I know who is responsible...and God is my only comfort . You are doing what is right and the entire world is against us. Have some respect for yourself...we must talk to ourselves and make reply sweet and kind and gentle, for no one in this world can give you the voice you long to hear and yet he is right there with you...talk to Jesus , how else will he give us counsel? of course we do not worship him, but talking to him, giving him voice to ourselves, instead of saying" Man that was just so stupid of me" instead let the father counsel you. Say to your self, you are not stupid, just young, you will learn . Don't worry sweetheart, i am right here with you. When you start doing that, the way he helps others through your words and actions, he will make it known, that it is him speaking to you. Who else would comfort us? He has to carry us around, because if he did not, we would lie on the floor and die.Believe me, i know exactly how it feels, but remember when anyone speaks wickedly to you, turn and walk away.It is because we are one with god, that satan makes people like my mom, my husbands, beat me mistreat me, and the cops are definitely not on your side.It is satan's world , but i know how to deal with it, all of my personal information is true, call , me or send me an email.I am always on your side, and no one realizes they are being used, They don't know what they are doing.]

 my husnand told me that his life is not connected to mine. I did not know hw to get to the apt, that i rented for me and the kids, but when he decided to come and stay anyway, i left and came back to visit and he said if i did not have sex with him then no more visits. I have been afraid of the cops, if i called them they would have wondered why i couldn't remember how to get there,I am autistic, nobody understands me

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after waiting over ten years, three denials and then my lawyer got more than i did, and my sister helped herself to my ssi money, made me sick to near death, and then wound up on the street with nothing. they always deny ssi 3 times hoping you will die before they have to pay out.aND NO ONE ON THIS PLANET HELPED ME, I GOT HELPED BY THE SPIRIT THAT KICKED ME IN THE SIDE. MY SIDEKICK,HE WAS ALLOWED TO HELP ME, BECAUSE GOD WAS GOING TO SEND A MESSAGE TO THE ONE WE KNOW AS THE RESISTER, THATS RIGHT A DEMON PICKED ME UP, BECAUSE HE COULD NOT STAND WATCHING ME BE TORMENTED AND ABUSED, THEN GOD, WHO IS MOST GRACIOUS SAID TO ALL THE HEAVENLY HOST, HE MADE IT KNOWN THAT WHEN I SPEAK GOD IS SPEAKING AND I SPOKE THE FATE OF THE ONE WHO PICKED ME UP. HE WAS ALLOWED TO DIE.i SAW THE SPIRIT AND WATCHED HIM DIE. I FELT NEITHER GOOD NOR BAD, JUST EXTREME CURIOSITY, AS THE HOLY SPIRIT, HOVERED OVER THE DEAD DEMON. NO ONE IN THE REALM UNSEEN BY HUMAN EYES DOUBTS THAT WHAT HAPPENED WAS ABSOLUTELY BEYOND ALL DOUBT, HE SPOKE THRU ME. He does not care if humans believe it, because my functions are beyond human comprehension .Jesus took over see the caps locked. Thats him.

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Look, Friends, i did not tell you what happened when i gave notice of my intent to leave this house and go back to thurston county, to my beloved Jeanette Valencia owner of an adult family home that i lived in. when i made it known, the next thing i know the owner, grabbed me by the hand and said :Please don't leave us Tina, we really like you here" say what??? this is the same guy you can hear making me cry on my you tube video that i posted to prove he was being abusive, and now, that he knows i have a way out is begging me to stay?? I was freakin shocked. Wow, and since then have had no trouble.AND THE WORST THING IS, THAT PEOPLE DO NOT BELIEVE THAT GOD HEARS US AND RESPONDS. I am not saying that if you are atheist that there is anything wrong with that, i respect most religions, Jesus really gets around, but i have never said i did not hate the muslim faith because i damn do.Muslims do not practice forgiveness, it makes it hard to deal with them let alone the fact that the men demean women. We are as nothing in their eyes.I know because i was married to and had 3 kids with him, and to this day, he hates me, and so do the kids. I just have to wright them all off, no point crying over people who dont want me, at this point i would like to speak to my son devon, he is my baby and at 17 he is autistic and he wants me, he told me so. I tried to contact him through my sisters widower, but i have had no response. i guess i will have to live with the fact that even as we speak they are all saying i am bad don't call her. i get the feeling that he does not believe them and i know why. i protected his lungs from my ignorant mom, by putting up a blanket between the room he had to sit in and her incessant second hand smoking, in the kitchen, and for a year i never did anything that he could see was wrong. He will not believe them and so i wait.

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I personally must heartily agree with these statements. not because anyone told me , but because i lived it. Homeless and destitue, these jws did not want me to eat at the soup kitchen or at the big sunday dinner at the first baptist church. They did not want me to recieve clothing from the christian mission. they did not want me to attend thursday night street reach for medications bedding, clothes food and a bible sermon and prayer. JW's did not want me to sleep in the shelters in winter because all of the shelters were inside churches including the catholic church. BUT THE JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES WOULD NOT FEED ME, CLOTHE ME, OR ALLOW ME TO PARTICIPATE AT MEETINGS AND DISFELLOWSHIPPED ME, BECAUSE I PARTAKE OF THE EMBLEMS, THEY WERE RUDE TO ME, TREATED ME LIKE THE COMMON VIOLENT CRIMINAL THAT THEY THINK I AM BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE THE SECULAR AUTHORITIES WHO CONVICTED ME FOR A VIOLENT FELONY THAT WAS ONLY 45 DAYS IN JAIL AS A SENTANCE BUT TURNED INTO 5 YEARS IN PRISON, BECAUSE MY JW HATING HUSBAND WOULD KIDNAP ME, RAPE ME, DRUG ME, THEN CALL MY PROBATION OFFICER AND TELL HER I DID NOT COME IN BECAUSE I WAS HIGH AND THEN BEAT ME VICIOUSLY CHOKE ME TO NEAR UNCONCIOUSNESS FOR BEING A JW. I HATE TWTBTS, ONLY REAL CHRISTIANS HELPED ME.

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listen, you must keep a lid on what you know, continue on as if you never said anything, research while you "hide" i knew for a long time, but I had to wait because i became a victim and spent many years in and out of prison for a crime i did not commit, during that time i was unable to tell anyone, no way to contact my beloved congregation, when finally i came out i was homeless, but i made the meetings sporadically, they knew i lived outside in squalor, and i found out that they had been gossiping about me. no one would help me, because of course, i could not attend meetings for so long, i was looked down on and even run out of the memorial because they knew i was gonna partake, i have done so since 1987. well i was forced to sleep in shelters in winter because of the snow, i was forced to go into churches, because the Jw's would not help me , and what i saw and heard and felt were people who were feeding me because of Jesus, everyone knew the name of Jehovah and sang songs to him, i partook in a catholic church because i had no where else to go{eww btw very gross} so when i was able i finally went to the meetings for three months straight and after the first meeting, i was not allowed to even read a scripture and then the elders visited me, in my home and accused me of being violent{ my crime was a violent one, never mind that i am innocent, but they believed that i should not partake and so i was dissed because i refused to stop, and i cannot be brought back in, because of my refusal.- this is the org i spent almost all my adult life in- a cult. I am 53 and still The bride of Christ.- I partake at home and still use jw.org, and i read chapter 34 of Ezekiel and encourage all ex-jws to read it for God knew what was gonna happen back then and in the future, God was with me, and still is, otherwise i would be dead, i have died doa on 5 occaisions, and knew that God would raise me up again and again, for His Glory, not mine.Hallelujah- song of solomon 8:6- my left hand tattoo-Jah His name on my skin, no one can strip him off of me.I am never alone and jesus speaks for me, even now, because i got to the point i cold no longer live or speak to humans after what the world was allowed to do to me, worthless, homeless naked and in despair, sleeping and crying in blood and feces and urine and squalid conditions, he picked me up, and began ministering to me, and continues even now until forever, my King holds me Dear my beloved beloved is always here, the shadow on the back of my right hand.Take my advice try to fade slowly it is the best thing to do.

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I live in a group home, and i pay 3,177 for the priviledge of being neglected and abused, and the food i have absolutely no say in the matter. this is what happens when you are injured and have to try to live with it. I am on oxygen and i have a motorized wheelchair and all the homes are like this. they expect me to walk to the toilet, in the day time. I am in pain and they are just fucking lazy bastards who do this for the money. I keepasking god to let the 95 year old man to die, they leave him in bed, and he cannot see or hear berywell so he talks to none begging for help constantly, i told them i cannot handle that because i myself am a caregiver, and he keps begging please someone help me, my legs hurt and etc... , whatever you do, dont wind up here i am 53 years old and all the homes are like this. trust me, i was a ray of hope when i gave care, but once you are in a wheelchair, no one understands , everyone treats you as if your mentally retarded, these fuckers are fuckin lazy. they dont ant to clean my bedside commode, and the toilet keeps getting stopped up and i have to sit there and plunge it till it is gone, because i dont use a lot of paper, but they think i do, 4 squares is too much. Fuck them.you cannot demand anything or they simply give you a thirty day notice and get meaner while you wait a year to find another home that treats you exactly the same brutally honest, i used to work in the homes and they all treat you like a retard and if you call police they think your mental, which btw is exactly why i am here it is not the oxygen, it is not the Multiple scherosis, it is not the wheelchair, it is becuase i am considered to mentally ill to care for myself, soo...there it is.. if you send me out the door with my meds, i will do what any person who needs care but is in so much pain they dont want to suffer anymore, i would take all of my meds and try to hide somewhere to die so that they dont catch me, and that is with knowing for a fact that God and his son are taking care of me, god wont let me die, damnit,and i promised him i wont do it again...so there it is.

what a nightmare

ina Hemingway I live in a group home, and i pay 3,177 for the priviledge of being neglected and abused, and the food i have absolutely no say in the matter. this is what happens when you are injured and have to try to live with it. I am on oxygen and i have a motorized wheelchair and all the homes are like this. they expect me to walk to the toilet, in the day time. I am in pain and they are just fucking lazy bastards who do this for the money. I keepasking god to let the 95 year old man to die, they leave him in bed, and he cannot see or hear berywell so he talks to none begging for help constantly, i told them i cannot handle that because i myself am a caregiver, and he keps begging please someone help me, my legs hurt and etc... , whatever you do, dont wind up here i am 53 years old and all the homes are like this. trust me, i was a ray of hope when i gave care, but once you are in a wheelchair, no one understands , everyone treats you as if your mentally retarded, these fuckers are fuckin lazy. they dont ant to clean my bedside commode, and the toilet keeps getting stopped up and i have to sit there and plunge it till it is gone, because i dont use a lot of paper, but they think i do, 4 squares is too much. Fuck them.

my life

it is worth it all. It was horrendus, and yes i died at least 5 times, but you see, I can handle it, because Jesus has made it so, i realize what i did was all that i could do. I have known for 12 years now, that my partaking of the cup of the christ-meant i would live a life that is not my own. I will get a new life in a home together forever with the ones who loved me and helped me through it all. Not knowing what that home is like because flesh cannot reside there. but i know who and what Love is. I look around me, and i am fighting mad, not just because i suffered but because everyone and everything has the holy spirit, and that spirit is God, Jehovah is the holy spirit. I know things that i could not possibly know without having it revealed to me,by the Christ. I am a judge, and i always judege aright. If you are human, I will plead forgiveness for yu. If you are a demon, i will punish you based on how much evil you did. I am mercy, I am powerful enough not to intervene unless i see fit to do so. I payed the ultimate price for this priviledged position. I had no choice but to choose this life because i was born into it, and God almighty himself is One with me. My name is Ijah-Tina porter is a title, i have no human father. Tina literally means {follower of the Christ anointed one, and porter means servant.}I was difellowshipped because God fortold it, in the bible Ezekeil chapter 34. any x JW who is feeling bad should read that, because it will set you free from an organization that seemed ok, we believed it. There is nothing wrong with the bible, the problem lies in imperfect men lording it over us not with love. but with great power comes full and great responsibility.I blame satan for all of it. No human could get away without The help of Jesus christ Look at the animals, they are perfect. They have no sin. but they get diseases and get sick and die. if god is going to wipe out death itself, then the animals too shall not die

christmas card list

Laura L McClain Manzano 
10834 Northland Dr.  Apt 1
Rockford, MI 49341

Michael Grabow and alex grabow
10834 Northland Dr. Apt 1
Rockford MI 49341

Jennifer Crater
335 SE 47th terr
Cape Coral, FL 33904

Vincent Sutton
219 - 7th Ave SE
Magee, MS 39111

Dianne Sims-Buchman & Hubby
53 Volusia Dr 
DeBary, FL 32713

Karen Snizek
12105 Newport Sound Place
New Smyrna Beach, FL 32168

Mom Williams & family
577 S Angola Rd
Coldwater, MI 49036

Erica Young
6030 Santa Fe Dr.
Winton, CA 95388

Jessica Ditty
609 Grant St.
Fairborn, OH 45324

Tina Porter
17615 - 66th Place W
Lynnwood, WA 98037

Tammy & Scott Sorrento
2862 Sutton Estates Cir S
Jacksonville, FL 32223

Laura & Darren Manzano
410 Nahua St. #303
Honolulu, HI 96815

you tube

am 53 years old and i was hyper- sexualized .by my own brother. I lost my precious virginity before i even knew what it was.9 years old i was having bestiality sex, the magazines under my fathers bed that my brother gave me to look at so he could watch me having sex. this went on into my well past 30's and then something terrible happened to me. I was drugged into unconsciousness and raped.I married a hell's angel unknowingly and he tried to kill me when i tried to leave. Jesus saved me, I broke his face and he still would not let go. I told him you got your extra-p***y.{he made it all sound ok right in front of all his friends.and i let him cause i wanted him to .go away.]and i refused to have sex with him, He was  sleeping with whores- i refused to dress provocatively and i realized well into my 14 year marriage that my Husband had been in on the rape. I was not supposed to live, so he said to me marry me and serve the Christ forever.but what he really wanted was to keep me close so that he could fulfill his duty, he was going to kill me. i was so scared so i married him, and he tried to kill me so often, and my God Jehovah, and Jesus saved me so many times. he was a real devil worship-per and thanks to him, I faced down Satan himself. i kid you not, and when God took a-hold of me, he faced him down from within me. and he shrank back. i no longer have demon attacks. there was a seance when i was only 9, and i was demonized and did not know it. Thankfully MY powerful and almighty God knew how to deal with it. I will never leave my God, everything i just watched happened to me. It is real. please do not try and say i am insane, but think carefully, because if it happened to me, it can happen to you.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwUwchCeeI4

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qF5HBFq4MX8https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qF5HBFq4MX8I like it jwfairytale. You and cedars are not being mean about it, so i luv u both . I still believe in the bible and I will never stop talking about Jah, but only to people who want to hear. I am glad you don't hate me for the way it is, i was hated by everyone for being a jw, and took many beatings for it. I cannot stop what i do, but i am not affiliated with JW>ORG. are they blind? they are wearing a logo for God, wtf? they should never have had a watchtower magazine, and called us publishers, what was wrong in being just bible students, or even just preachers. No, I clearly see i was not one of them, i approve of pot smoking, it is good for those who have mental health issues etc... safer than alcohol. and i see visions and hear voices but they are all good now, they did not used to be but Jesus made it stop. Jesus is the name we must call on, calling on Jehovah gets u nowhere, but it is a powerful name, stops demons dead in their tracks. and well worship is for him alone. gotta do it Jesus way!they dont know how to shun properly. you never omit family members ever.the prodigal son went away, as if he were dead, but he returned and without a word was accepted and partied with, to the point the other son got mad. i think thats why jws shun wrong, they are the mad son, who does not want his father to forgive. yeah thats JWs all over it.If they found out that god still loves us and not them they would be pissed, they would be so jealous, "say what God, i slaved for you and i did not party and i did everything you told us to, and you love them and not us?" and Jehovah would say through Jesus mouth get away from me , because they had no CHARITY or agape love when they destroyed peoples lives with unloving forms of shunning" Peace out.

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  she did especially after she lost 100 lbs from her illness. she was so sick that she quit eating and drinking. I did that too. she had no real life anymore, bedridden and dependant compleatly. I am sick too but hers was obviously worse. I sure hope Jesus forgives her cause i do

  Tina Hemingway It is the Law of God to do so, otherwise hell no i wouldn't but the consequences of holding back forgiveness is death. remember, would i want my sister to be tortured forever for hurting me, no freakin way. I always forgive, and remove myself if possible to make sure they dont sin against me again, but with family that is hard to do. but I 

per-severe [persevering.1.to persist in anything undertaken; maintain a purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement; continue steadfastly.2.to persist in speech, interrogation, argument, etc.; ]insist. in prayer to find my way back to forgiveness every single time. but it still hurts...

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This is the house my sister painted with the money she stole from me right before she died, hope shes enjoying it from where shes at, it was her purple dream house. My sister would never been a mother without me, she would have never been able to paint her house purple without me, she would not have been able to get what her husband needed for more karaoke stuff for their business without me, Her sons would not have had decent beds without me, { they are the children i gave her right from the begining of their lives, my sons became hers,] and without me, she could not have poisoned the minds of all five of my children who do not want to speak to me, even though 3 months ago she died. I made all of her dreams come true, and she hated me and stole from me even though I was sharing the only money i would ever again have ever, without me, trusting her to be my payee.well shes finally done something without me, shes dead, here sits her dream.

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 Dear Briana Hernandez I was going to post a status because i am sitting here crying and i am suicidal again. I feel this way because,I never got to be a parent to any of my five children, and because i have no one to help me when i need it, even though these people get 3, 176 dollars a month for me, and i even have a privaye room which i would'nt in another group home. I am 53 years old and on oxygen and i spend all day long sitting in front of my computer and get threatened all the time if i dont just shut up don't complain about nothing. No one to talk to, and no one to care for me at all, just my friends on face book. I will never drive a car again because i cannot afford to. i cannot just leave or go downtown to see my homeless friends in a city i have lived in for 20 years but i came here because no one over there would take me in, and anyway, no matter where i go, i will never be treated as an adult, these people are Muslim's so i get no pets. I want to die, so much.I cannot say i would do anything to turn back the hands of time, because i was a Jw, and i was hated. I would not have mattered since the bride never have lives of our own, and i did not choose or want it, but God chose me. I Love you Dear I really do. I wish i could send angels to your house to help you. Your children are your best bet to having a good life later on, I hope they love you the way mine never will. Be happy Briana, you could be me, and i know you would not want to trade lives with me. with Love your friend Tina Porter hemingway

this is a reply that goes with the you tube video posted below

I see you have a following of haters. everyone has problems in their life and what comes around goes around. I think it is brave of you to share with us your umbolith. My daughter was 19 when she came to visit me{ her father raised her} she had stinky feet, and she smelled real bad. he did not teach her about hygiene, she had an infection in her belly button, but my daughter was diagnosed when she was little with an illness, that causes her to feel no pain, and she does not know if she is too hot or cold. wearing a jacket in 80 degree weather. I had to teach her how to bathe and the saddest part was that she had no friends.So now i want everyone to know, that it is wrong to try to hurt people, with cruel words the way they have done to you, and i will sign it, Dirty white trash bitch who hates haters!................

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Gross belly button parasite

facebook

I really want to know what you think. If Jesus said we would meet him in the air or clouds, does this not mean somewhere on earth? there is no air in Heaven, also no clouds where there is no air. So when Jesus returns, every eye shall see him. I hope we are on the nightime schedule cause i don't do mornings very well.

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  Tina Hemingway also does this put the TWBTS in it's place considering they teach, that Jesus is here invisibly, and the bible does not teach that nor does it teach that shunning is ok. it says all you have to do is go home AND APOLIGIZE TO YOUR FATHER, AND THEN HE WILL THROW YOU A GREAT BIG PARTY, SO MUCH SO THAT HIS BROTHER BECOMES JEALOUS, SO, THE PRODIGAL SON STORY IS NULL AND VOID BY THEIR TEACHINGS

kewpie doll

 Lolz autumn, yep Paul that was it. in the kitchen of dave's house, he and the guy who drugged me into 

unconsciousness and raped me, were standing before me Then heard a voice, the next man to kiss you will betray you.Wow that's cool.anyway the guy that kissed me stepped forward, and it was my future husband that kissed me and it all came true, who do i remind you of, besides king david. being betrayed by a kiss.you don't have to answer because i know exactly what you will say. it is part of being the bride. of course, i am not looking like the most anorexic kewpie doll of all time in the Revelation book.

facebook

hey are killing them. In Olympia at least twice a year they find a homeless encampment destroy the tents and then say they found dead bodies of homeless men who were in the tents and were set on fire the homicide victims have no id no body saw it... more often they stalk the homeless into the night find their camps, and then destroy all of their tents and evict them, from private property as well as public property. or they trump up false charges and send them to jail.I survived by having my tent in a place noone would go and camp. basically it was a toilet area and garbage. I rounded it up pushed it away so i could pitch my tent, and noone bothered me.the real plus for me was i was on probation and a member of bhr. My probation officer would search for me if i did not show up for a meeting , which was everyday almost.and Joanna weist saved my life. my probation officer knew my husband was trying to kill me, she told him she was gonna charge him with murder if he did not produce me, that day, he brought her to the tent that was wrecked and had garbage and i had not walked nor ate food or drank water for 45 days. i was in hypothermia, and i would not have lived for even one more day.theres more to the story but i am losing the ability to type. also my videos on youtube.I get shy and dont post them cause they are so bad, i dont want my friends to see my abuse.

beautiful art from a friend

Powerful visions

Our God is Terrible. I experienced God"s power upon me, many times, but the one where he put a demon- my sidekick-to death, My eyes were seeing, but i was not glad or worried or upset. He kept looking beseechingly at me, and when He died I felt no satisfaction, nor regret. and the Holy spirit- I saw it, the same as it was described in chapter one, like the bow and it hovered over him,because He came out of him and the vision was then Gone.The Holy spirit IS GOD, and He does not look like a man, But The Father is a man, just really really really big. Jesus as a full grown man is like a small child sitting to his right hand side. I have seen and felt many things. they call me crazy, but i am not. I am the daughter of Jehovah, and I see Him cause things to happen

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFnWTz-7I0E

being jw

I really hated myself. that is what it is all about. make you feel so guilty, that you must power on no matter what, come hell or highwater, and in my case through jagged rocks and nails and screws and shattered glass, and poison, on my handsand knees in the crawl space under my home, i found coffins and bodied in the back yard rolled up inside a rug which me and my husband immeadiately reburied and kept our mouths about it shut. the owner he got the house from told him we live on an indian sacred burial ground ok, the inidans did not bury people in coffins or rugs. his wife is from fiji. voodoo headhunting tribe. muti-millionaires with nothing better to do than sacrifice homeless people with no relatives or friends. but, no matter what they did, they cold not kill me, well actually they did kill me, but i would instantly rise up pull myself together, and tell them, that was so stupid you know i cannot die.of course i knew i did that but i had no memory, but they were so incredulous that for fun they did it almost every night, and i always knew when it was going on, and i would just pray long and hard.finally they gave up. with only my husband left, no one is after me any more, and he seems disinterested finally. oh life. I am the bride, and these things happened to me, I do not hate myself. i respect my own person.Have some respect for yourself, you are Jehovah gods daughter. Jesus was right and i became strong again.

i want to, but i don't think the muslim family will celebrate. Yeah maybe, they did halloween for their kids and the kids gave me six pieces of candy.so, i won't hold my breath. i complained about several things and now my punishment is-no coffee ever-no snacks ever-and i am being forced to walk to the toilet, instead of using my bedside commode. its impossible to do, so best i can do is what they get. I got food poisoning from the food bank, 2,and then i wind up not being able to clean myself up and i get no sympathy for it.but I know what not to get now, and i will continue to go, because i am starving and losing weight rapidly, and i do not really move around, so i can say, that is abnormal.oh well, i'm used to it.

I am removing the horror and the data about all the ways i have suffered which includes kidnapped. raped .poisoned tortured .long term sensory deprivation, and generally stupid people i had no choice but to bear and their idiotic behaviors as well as mother abusing me by beating me with a bible for being a witness.talking never helps because even after 20 years with my counselor, she is retired and i feel abandoned again. art, and prayer, my steadfast beliefs led me to where i needed to go, inside, i regress to a childlike state and trust Jah implicitly with my life. By pretending that i am alone with God, and I finally heard a voice soft spoken in the wind, while trying to find anything other than fuzz on my radio, this is what i heard" For all your many counselors, i am the only one who will save you." I think that keeping my online diary helps me to see i i can talk about it, and then in bits and pieces i add it to my diary. so that i do not keep trying to justify the reasons i felt i would be able to tell anyone who would listen I AM INNOCENT. I wrote songs to god about god and about his son, and i asked him to talk for me, because my heart was destroyed. after many suicide attempts, and being frozen to death and come back, the only way to stop this madness is to stop the world cause i want to get off. I am ok, i am used to it.

I created a painting online in a game, yoville, and i called it," my sister dreams in purple." I made it for my sister tracey, she died 2 months ago and she never even looked at what i made because she hated me. i also wrote her from prison everyday, then one day i went to her house to pick up some mail, and there in a box, were all my letters unopened. I loved her, but she never loved me. The last thing my sister said to me, was answering my question" what about my last 2,000 dollars you owe me"{she was my payee} she said, that's too bad in't it"dropping the s to be as sarcastic and mean as she could. she used the money to paint her house purple. while i slept outside homeless and utterly broke. i forgive her, and told god, that the money she stole was a gift to God. Its really hard for me to make friends with anyone, i think i will go and unleash my creative talent now. Luve u guys..

my husband David Porter

my current husband David Monte Porter. He always looks kinda ruff. I took him from a homeless bum in jail time after time for driving without a license i created a buisness for him that bore his name and on our very first job we stole our ex-employers contract. well we painted the houses in the same streets for our ex-employer, and we made 30.000 dollars a month just him and me and an occaisional helper, too bad he cheated on me with a known whore, in my own house while i worked at night. It came to me on my birthday that  he did this -before he admitted it- i knew, i wanted to karaoke at a bar for my birthday, and as i sang for the first time for him, he was looking at and talking to her -instead of listening to me. My stage name is T and i sing like a professional, i usually do accapella-{NO MUSIC} i knew right then and there, i said i wanted a divorce he said"If I cannot have you no one will" i am still married but it seems he is a drifter, and i saw him doing photography under an assumed name in san diego california. maybe i will be a widow soon, this year marks our 14th year and i have not seen or heard from him in 4 years and with any luck i will be a widow soon, then i can get an apartment cause his ssi, will give me the option to do so. my ssi is a ridiculous 779 dollars of which i keep 62.79 a month. argh....

 yeah i have been collecting each tidbit i write onto an online blog/diary. My life is like 100 different lives. the owner caregiver called me a liar yesterday. Shedoes not blieve satn worhippers exist. nor does she believ me when i say i was tortured. nor does she beleive me wheni tell her i grew up mostly without any parents. she does not believe me when i told her my husband tried to kill me and that he is kkk. she is a mulim like my 1st husband. her and her husbamd act like they are perfect and any complaining i do, lands on deaf ears and i get accused of being mean to her or that it is enough now shut the f up. I do not like that religion at all. in fact i hate it with great passion beyond what i feel for twtbts. i cannot say it enough, they are all terrorists, the religion makes them Narcissistic. the fact that english is their second language makes it worse. they do not understand me so they take quick offense at any complaints and most adult family homes{stupid name for business run by people forced to be cared for by ignorant jerks from another culture} are run by non whites.I am not racist just remember i married a muslim second language Iranian{they call themselves persians}and have 3 children who do not speak to me, because the terrorist beat me so often that i left and my own sister and mom injuered my daughters so i sent them back to him, and i lost all 3 to their beleifs that i am a criminal, and a drug addict. they speak only english.