i have woken up so many times not knowing where i am, i cannot remember that i am in a safe place. i wonder what dreams would be like if they were not filled with fear and violence and someone trying to kill me. i wonder what it would be like to have raised my five children and that they would tell me they loved me, i wonder how is it that i was alone all of my life, with no love or compassion or mercy. homeless near naked{sometimes completely} unloved, kidnapped drugged raped and tortured, and the only people that really know me at all are right here on my facebook. well I know what love is and My God, my Father Loves me, and it was His son who picked me up when i died and resurrected me, so i could continue to walk an seemingly endless road of torture, and even though right now i am safe, my mind and my soul don't believe it. jan 29th was my 1 year anniversary of being here with my new family and my dad touches me and hugs me and my mom, jeanette who saved me and gave me a life and home, when i get to see her, she holds my hand. i look at my sisters alyssa and alyanna and see what their parents love did for them. they are so happy. i want to be happy. but i can see my God as the Holy spirit and not die. i saw him as all light and no darkness too, but when I see his spirit inside me and outside me, i know i am loved, i just did not know it. I know why i am still alive, its that one thing that the son of God does not know. i don't know it either, but i have been designated to be used as the one to announce it and when i do, it will be Jehovah doing it through me. am i crazy, yes, yes i am, crazy in Love with my God, and thankful that Jesus loves God more than himself. if given the chance, many times i thought, just erase me God, i don't want it. but now i want it and so i must continue to disregard any voice that would say anything that wants me to think its not true, because God made me out of the man of many sorrows and He needs me, and i need him, no one can make me believe otherwise. i no longer need to wonder, i am LOVED, HALLELUJAH
No comments:
Post a Comment