facebook 1/10/15

ok so it was 3:00 and the owners wife says i will give you a snack, she gives me   graham crackers. I ate them slowly and relished every bite. so then i laid down as i always do before dinner at 5 pm, about 4:00 all i could think of was food, and i started to see stars, and i felt i might pass out and i started to have a panic attack, which for me i just ignore it cause i want to die, so i am like yay, then i thought ok i should tell her so i ring my bell and i told her, i feel so hungry like i could just die. she obviously looks down on fat people, and she says i will check your blood sugar but i cannot just keep giving you food... what food.? anyway even after the graham crackers my blood sugar was 55, so she made my dinner early at 4:15 tuna  fish[which i freakin hate] and celery, breakfast was a bowl of oatmeal, and lunch was a bowl of soup. thats all, and i hated everything but the oatmeal. we never get fresh salad, i never will be getting anything i like. they act like giving is food is a chore.. i dont care if my wheelchair gets stuck outside, i am going to the food bank on wednesday, and that is that. I could die because of them starving me. and when i get the chance tonight i am going to go to the kitchen and find something to eat,and if they catch me so what, i cannot be jailed for stealing food, theyll just start locking it up.I already complained about them not honoring their own rules and giving me 2 snacks a day which is required for freakin insulin dependant diabetics, thats why we get and stay fat, we have to eat.....Maybe my mom will mail me pumpkin bread. I am starting to look in lewis county for a home. too bad my mom is not able she could get 3,000 a month to keep me.I am working out and i will lose weight and i will walk better, and i will persevere until i can go take care of my mother, she needs me, and for once in my life will help her, cause she is smart and she can tell me what to do, and i will do it. I love her, always have, i was so devestated when she broke my heart and disowned me, and was so mean that i had to discipline her with dramatic violence... but i never hurt her and i never would. I have a reason to live again.now you know, i knew when my sister died that she would stop hurting me, because i really am all she has got. thanks be to Jah, he and his son told me, my sister was gonna die and i would get my mpm back, and see, Hallelujah-