went to the mental health dr today. my racing thoughts and horrific memories have stopped almost 90 percent. i am not upset at my beautiful daughter for unfriending me again, she found Jesus and she seems to recall memories of me being evil. When i refuted her, she hung up and blocked me. ah but i have become accepting of it, for all the lies she has been told and te meth she did and lost her children, my first husband is muslim. of course he lies about me. i am making a great breakthrough. i am no longer tormented with stupid thoughts, I asked God for his help and i am in constant communication with him...indeed, the wonderful counselor has told me many things. i broke a toe, finally i have a shoe that fits, a surgical shoe for fractured feet. it is nice to feel loved and wanted. i talked with my adopted father today, he told me he is bringing me another rosary, this one is for the wrist. i am spiritual and my stage name is T it is also a reminder that i am never alone. I told him quite calmly that if his staff treated me with the same respect they treat him, i would be so happy. body language gives people away. while i am sure that fillipinos are not all rascist. i find it can be a problem. they should be careful because eddie and Jeanette have adopted me.i am going to put a small gold sign on my door it will be written in taglish- taglish is what all fillipinos use to speak to one another because they have so many dialects, they would not be able to communicate without it.. it includes spanish and english and you must wear real gold, for in the phillipines it is abundant and it is their culture. great for me because i wear all gold, my hair face nails etc... just waiting for the day, and i know it will come, when they buy me gold, then i will know, i really am home and safe. at this point i saw my son reza speaking suicidal. i try not to use any scripures but when i wrote him, he did not write back but the next day, he said he was going to make himself over. at the age of 29, he shold have had a wife, but if you wanna be into death metal and wear mohawks it can be a challenge to find a good woman. i am not saying they dont exist but he has found none. I find your mind can trap you, being exjw, i know it does. the only way to free ones self is to purposefully do and try new things that you might be afraid of. it works for me, for i am transformed, but without My Father in heaven, and the blood covering of the Christ, this animal i had become, has turned back into a lady. i am not an angry man talking smack at everyone if even a hint of disrespect comes my way it sets of ptsd, and i black out. i am not violent unless my life is in real danger. i know there is to come a final moment when God almighty will unleash his wrath. i will know it, because he will say it out loud through my mouth. this woman that i was and am and going to be I amaze myself... but that what happens to you when your holy God speaks to the devil through you. if i smile, he pushes me into the wall. oh yeah, he does that stuff when Jesus speaks and someone listens, i listen to what i say and it's him. the bus drivers all know,,,as an exjw i think you should know, the head honcho of the hawks prarie congregation, he was the one who disf me, he drives the dial a lift, he does not run away from me, oh no, he come across the street and comes right up to my face and says, I heard you were dead...so gossipping is tantamount to pure ignorance and it is evil...he likes to flaunt the fact that he runs the hall and that i am homeless scum...i talk to every bus driver, and tell them stuff... i wonder what he would think of my transformation??? I told him i have no human father, and btw, i never ever seen the inside of the elders room until that, i had no idea of the opulance therein, and that scumbag had his feet up on the table when they summoned me in....fuck him, you know, he knew i ate at the first baptist church, he knew i slept in the catholic church...who does he think he is...a lowly friggen bus driver tries to force me to not partake by permanently declaring i need to fix my relationship with god. his songs of praise are truly prideful and a waste of his time, any minute now, i mean it, right when you think its not gonna happen, wham...and ijah, me I will sound the call.....do I have an elevated opinion of myself , no. I have extreme respect for my Father, my God, our creator and i am sick of people believing lies about him. the latest one is that the name of jehovah was made up by a monk. WRF???? no, no , i cannot stand it. really? what was the name of the God that Jesus worshipped eh? no man should speak of His holy moniker like that but God help me, it stuns me, i get attacked by the devil, i seen hi, and by gum, the name Jehovah sickens him and he leaves. i can talk about jesus all day, but that name IJAH, i and the father ARE one and He named me that....Thank you for your valuable time.Godspeed his Love to us who wait...
😁
